Mass Effect - The Soul Behind The Name: Chapter 2

“...So Shepard joined the Alliance when she was eighteen,” I tell my reporter friend, reaching for the coffee jug to refill my empty mug. “She lived in care for a few years, but she felt so alone without her parents. Somehow joining the Alliance Navy felt like coming home.”

“No wonder Shepard never talked about Mindoir,” Emily Wong remarks quietly, her face downcast. “It must have really haunted her.”

“It wasn’t that she was haunted by it,” I interrupt, shaking my head, “Kira was tough. I don’t think she truly realised how strong she was until she emerged from under that rubble. No, Shepard told me later that she joined the alliance to do her dad proud, not to avenge his death. He had always supported the military, and she felt that being in the uniform was reassuring, like a silent tribute to her family.”

“That is so sweet,” Emily’s bottom lip is quivering. She puts a hand over her face. “Sorry, Major,” she apologises.

“That’s okay,” I pat her on the shoulder and top up her cup. “It was hard for me to hear it the first time too. And please – you can call me Kaidan. It’s not like I’m on duty.”

Emily takes a shaky breath and relaxes a fraction, swiping at her eyes. “Um... Okay then, Kaidan.” That familiar smile remerges, and the reporter resumes her interview. “Okay. So you and Kira did eventually come to know each other quite...”

“Intimately?” I interject.

“Well I was going to say ‘personally’ but I suppose intimacy really is at the crux of the story,” Emily nods. “There must have been a turning point – a time when you both realised that your friendship extended beyond sharing your duties and your histories. Can you remember when it happened exactly?”

I don’t even have to think. “Virmire. It was our most dangerous mission yet, and everyone was feeling it. Wrex was furious–”

“Wrex? Urdnot Wrex?”

“Yeah, he was on the Normandy back in the day. He was good value and a great friend, but on Virmire he really lost his cool. It was discovering the breeding facility that did it. You see, they were breeding a new generation of Krogan that were free of the Genophage. The possibility of using this cure was too tempting for Wrex at the time: he and Shepard almost shot each other over it.”

“There was a stand-off?”

“I remember watching as Wrex drew his shotgun on Shepard. Next thing I knew, she had her rifle aimed at his chest. I knew she was fast on the trigger – possibly faster than he was – but the dread was still eating me alive. Ashley Williams was with me, watching the whole thing. She had her gun out and trained on Wrex’s head. I remember telling her to wait, to give Shepard a chance. It must have been about five minutes before Wrex backed down. I don’t know what Shepard said to him, but it worked. I mean, Wrex wasn’t exactly thrilled with Shepard’s negotiation, but he accepted it. And that was good enough for me. I can’t tell you how hard my heart was pumping at the thought of him putting a bullet between her eyes.”

Emily’s face blanches, “Is that when you realised...?”

“How much I loved Shepard?” I reach up to rub my shoulder, “I had always liked her. I really liked her. But yeah, the thought of losing her made me realise I had to take a chance. I mean, there are regulations against that sort of thing. ‘Fraternization’ between officers and their subordinates is frowned upon officially. And I guess up until that moment it had been the rulebook that was holding me back.”

“Did you tell her then?”

“No. I didn’t get the chance. Captain Kirrahe and his men were determined to strike out against the facility, and they needed help. I volunteered.”

“How did Shepard react to you volunteering for a suicide mission?” Emily prompts after a moment of silence.

“She didn’t give much away on her face, but I just had a feeling that she was upset. Kira was an expert at hiding her feelings – at least, when we were in front of the crew. She never let her weaknesses show. I remember choking up as I told her how much I had enjoyed working with her. I wanted so badly to say that I felt for her, but Ash was watching me and I chickened out. Shepard covered for me in front of Ash. I guess she always knew what I was thinking.” I stare down at my coffee, fighting not to lose control of my emotions. In my mind I’m back there, standing on that beach and desperately trying to find the words to tell Shepard the truth. “I can still recall Ash’s last words to me: ‘that’s okay, LT. We’ll see you on the other side.’ We all knew that there was a lot of potential for things to go wrong with the mission, and even though Shepard was the best soldier I’d ever seen, that thought didn’t make it any easier for me to leave...”

---2183---

I throw my back against the boulder, biting back a curse as bullets whiz past overhead.

“Jaeto, seal that breach!” I yell at the Salarian behind me. I reach for my comm, “Ground Team, regroup and fall back to the barricade. Captain Kirrahe’s dead.”

I can hear the comm channel buzzing in my ear. Kira’s voice comes to me faintly, “This is Shadow Team... inside... facility... alarm disabled...” Then the line goes dead.

Damn – the Geth have scrambled our radio signals.

The warm ocean water laps around my feet as I reload my rifle. The remainder of my Salarian squad mates are watching me cautiously, their faces lined with worry.

“We’re going to make it,” I reassure them, “Shadow Team has entered the breeding facility.”

Instantly I see a change in their faces – relief, anticipation, excitement. Now we just have to hold out a little longer until the Normandy can get the bomb in position. Then we can fall back to the AA tower.

Come on, Shepard. I’m counting on you.

Virmire is a beautiful place for a vacation, but right now life is anything but a holiday. The Geth have got us surrounded, and there’s nowhere to go. We’re trying to save up the last of our ammunition, ensuring that each bullet hits its target. There is no margin for error here.

I lean out from behind the rock, my barrier glowing. I unfurl my fist and send a flare of blue energy toward a Geth sniper. It falls backward and into the water with a splash. It is not much of a victory, but right now these men need hope – even if it only comes in small doses.

Suddenly the Salarian on my right falls dead, a bullet through his forehead.

I choke back a cry of anguish.

Mindless bloodshed – this is just so horribly wrong!

At that moment, the AA tower above us sparks and flashes with electricity. My comm crackles to life, “Shadow Team to Normandy, the jamming signal is offline and the guns are down.”

My team lets out a whoop as I hear Joker acknowledge the victory, “I’m bringing the Normandy in now, Commander.”

But even as the silver warship approaches the facility, I hear a familiar, dreadful rumble. Casting my eyes skyward, I holler, “Geth dropship! Hold on, everyone, things are about to get messy.”

Please don’t forget about me down here, Shepard.

A grey, silicon mass falls heavily onto the ground in front of me. It unfurls itself, drawing its bulky mass up to its full height – it’s a Geth Prime.

I let out a yell, unleashing the contents of my thermal clip into its chest. It barely makes a dent. The eight-foot-tall villain takes a step toward me, its giant red optical array settling directly on my face.

Terrified, I search left and right – I can’t move. The Geth have closed in, their reinforcements choking my team in behind this cloister of rocks. Our only hope is the AA Tower – but it will be a feat if any of us make it there alive.

I frantically grasp a new thermal clip and slide it into place, “To the Tower!” I yell, my voice cracking with strain.

The Prime has raised its gun, locking its sights on my chest.

Go – NOW!

I roll to the left and duck around the rock as the Geth open fire. Bullets ricochet off the rock, glancing off my barrier as I break into a sprint.

It is only a few hundred meters to the AA Tower stairs, but standing between us and safety are over two dozen Geth. The Salarians are running in front of me, their rifles blazing bullets to clear a path. One of the troops stops and turns about to fire at the Geth behind us – a moment later, he is dead. He falls in front of me, and despite the horror rising up in my chest, I force my legs to move faster. I leap over the body, my head reeling at the sight.

Right now, I just want to live. I want to survive live long enough to see Kira again, to tell her that I love her. My chest is aching as I suck air into my burning lungs – I wish she were here to spur me on. Even just hearing her voice over the comm would be enough for me.

Shepard, do you know how much you mean to me? What would you say if I told you?

I swing myself up onto the bottom ledge of the stairs, unleashing a torrent of shining biotic energy in the midst of the pursuing Geth. Several succumb, flying up into the air with squeals of unintelligible babble. As they repay my efforts bullet for bullet, I slip down and take cover behind the solid concrete banister.

Oh Shepard, please talk to me – please just let me know that everything is okay!

Shots are landing right above my head. I stumble up, keeping my body as low as I can while working my way up the winding stairwell.

“Jaeto,” I shout to the Salarian officer in front of me, “Tell the men to take cover behind those crates up ahead. The Geth won’t be able to get a clean shot.”

“Yes, Sir,” He acknowledges, passing on my orders up the straggling chain of soldiers.

But as we emerge onto the platform, I stop dead in horror.

The Geth are already here. There are dozens of them, guns at the ready and circling the edges of the platform with stealthy movements. As I watch, the dropship returns, hovering overhead in a display of deafening prowess. One of its massive guns turns rotates in my direction, letting loose an explosive volley of gunfire. I throw myself to safety behind a solid metal crate, all the while praying that it will hold together.

Knowing that my team is rapidly running out of options, I open an emergency communications channel. “Shadow Team, this is Ground Team, we are being overrun by Geth and need backup!”

There is no response – just static. The dropship must be interfering with our radios.

A toxic grenade lands near my boot. I stretch out my leg and kick it off the ledge, shuddering as I hear a sickening explosion below us.

“Shadow Team, do you read me? This is Ground Team. We’re pinned down at the AA Tower and are in need of backup – please acknowledge!”

“Alenko... Bomb... Location...”

I bite back a yell – I can barely hear Shepard at all over the noise. I glance up – the Dropship is moving away. I adjust the fine controls on my omnitool and try again. They should be able to hear me now. “This is Ground Team – please confirm previous message, Shadow Team.”

“Alenko, this is Shepard. The bomb is in position and help is on the way.”

Jaeto sends me a confused look – I smile at him.

“Help is coming – hold your positions!”

Suddenly the channel crackles back to life, “Commander, this is Williams. That Dropship just arrived and it’s bleeding Geth all over the bomb-site!”

My stomach lurches – that is not good.

“I’m coming back, Williams,” Shepard says steadily.

My heart plummets down into my shoes. I know just as well as Williams does that Shepard can’t be in two places at once. If she returns to the bomb-site, then it is a death sentence for me and all that is left of my team. I take a deep breath, silently hoping that Shepard won’t ask me to choose for her.

You know what to do, Shepard. You always do.

“Shepard,” I break the silence, “We can hold on here. Go and help the Chief.”

“Negative, LT, it’s too hot! There are too many of them!”

There is a long pause. I am sweating, biting my lip, gripping the muzzle of my gun...

Please Shepard. Don’t make the wrong choice here.

My heart is in my throat. I know that if Shepard comes to me, then Ashley will be alone, fighting off the Geth. I know that she’ll always choose to detonate the bomb rather than risk letting the Geth disarm it. But if Shepard hurries, maybe she can help Ashley escape. They would both be safe. I close my eyes – my heart is praying she’ll come to me, but my gut twists at the thought of losing Ash.

Shepard, you know I care. But please, don’t make Ash suffer because of it – because of us.

“Ash, I’m coming back to you.” Shepard’s voice is strained. I can hear that she is deeply unhappy, but she is trying her best to cover it.

“Ma’am – I’m sorry. I’m activating the bomb.”

 A chill rushes through me. I throw a Geth rocket drone over the edge of the platform, my biotics flaring in response to the turmoil.

“What the hell are you doing, Williams?” Shepard yells.

“It’s the only way – you know it’s for the best.” Ash’s voice is edged with regret. “Now go get the Lieutenant, and get out of here!”

 “Alenko, I’m coming to you. Radio the Normandy and tell Joker to be ready to pick us up.”

Never in my life have I felt so guilty. I choke, “Aye, Ma’am.”

My hands are shaking. Pain fills my head. No... Not Ash! This isn’t right.

 “It’s okay, LT,” Ash says quietly, almost as though she can hear my thoughts. “You know it’s for the best.”

There is a long moment of silence. Finally, I hear Shepard’s voice again, “I’m so sorry, Ash.”

“You know it’s the right choice, Ma’am.”

Suddenly, behind me there is a blast – one of the fuel tanks on the platform has just exploded. Three Salarians are down. One is still alive, blood streaming from a nasty wound to his shoulder as he desperately tries to crawl to safety.

We’re running out of time. I can feel the beginnings of a migraine as I sit here, weigh up my choices. I can make it to the wounded soldier by sticking to light cover, but it’s risky. Those wretched rocket drones are circling about, searching for any weakness in our formation. If I break cover, they’ll be aiming at me. The truth is that I don’t have a choice.

I wait for a break in the fire, and then I jump to my feet. I sprint across the concrete, ducking as rockets skim past my head...

Shepard, where are you?

I reach the fallen Salarian and wrap an arm around his stomach, hauling him to his feet. Jaeto sends a blast of covering fire down the platform as I turn to bring his comrade back to relative safety. Another one of my men emerges from behind a crate, taking the soldier from me and administering medi-gel to his wounds.

I’m about to return to my hiding spot when a flash of metal blinds me. Something heavy has just touched down right in front of me. Stunned by a wave of hot wind, I’m thrown backward, landing on the concrete heavily. My barrier sparks and disappears.

Oh this is not good!

I look up, expecting to see another Geth Prime. But this is no Geth. It’s Saren himself, towering above me in all his fearsome glory. His ice cold eyes drill into mine. My blood turns to ice as I desperately scramble backward, trying to evade him. I know that my biotics are no match for his.

A gloved fist wraps around my neck, hauling me painfully off the ground. I shut my eyes, trying to block out images of Commander Vyrnnus... The torture of Jump Zero... But this isn’t the time for flash-backs.

Wake up, Alenko!

Saren is so close to my face that I can smell his rank breath. He is studying me, calculating which way would be the most effective and painful way for me to die. Then, I see it – a flicker of the mandible, a glow in his eye. He’s recognised me from the Council meeting. Now his anger flares. The turian shakes me roughly. I struggle to break free of his grasp, but even as I do, I hear shooting from the far end of the platform.

Saren turns toward the source of the interruption, and as he does, my vision settles upon a familiar face.

“Shepard!” I yell hoarsely.

This earns me a harsh slap. Saren drops me, and I roll along the concrete until I’m lying next to a broken crate. My head is ringing. Lights swim across my eyes, blending and swirling in a mixture of colour.

“Shepard...”

A hand wraps around my shoulder, dragging me behind the crate.

“Hell, Alenko. What were you doing out there, trying to get yourself killed?”

I immediately recognise Garrus’ voice – profound and gravelly. He is crouched down next to me, and as I strain to focus, I swear I’ve never been so happy to see a Turian in all my life.

“Thanks,” I manage, swiping at the corner of my mouth. Blood comes away on my glove. “It’s nice to see you too.” I strain to lift my head, shuffling back until I’m upright against the crate. “Where’s Shepard?”

Then we hear it: bullets followed by an angered shout. Shepard is firing at Saren, but his barrier is too strong. He throws a strong biotic field in her direction as she rolls behind a barricade. I breathe a small sigh of relief, but she’s not out of danger yet. Shepard’s voice is raised – she’s yelling at Saren, and he’s calmly watching her from his hovering pedestal. I can’t hear what she’s saying. The wind is getting intense, and it’s blowing away the words in a blur of noise.

Suddenly, Shepard launches out of cover, unleashing the magazine of her rifle as she comes.

No – don’t come this way!

Saren lashes out at her, tossing the gun from her hands with ease. He picks Shepard up in a field of blue, hurtling her like a rag doll toward the edge of the platform. She hits the ground heavily. She lies still for a moment, and then lifts her head, her eyes searching me out. Even if she had wanted to call for help, she doesn’t get the chance. Saren storms toward her. As his fist wraps around her neck, a cry bubbles up in my chest, threatening to tear loose at any second.

Garrus clamps his hand over my mouth – “Are you trying to get us both killed now?”

I can’t tear my eyes away from Shepard. She’s suspended in the air, her legs kicking and her gloves tearing fiercely at Saren’s tough fingers. Her eyes are closed – she’s struggling to breathe.

I need to do something!

I sit up and let off a round at a nearby fuel tank. It explodes in a ball of hot flame, eliciting a startled squeal of babble from the Geth.

The diversion works. Saren is distracted momentarily, turning to see what has just happened. Shepard’s eyes flicker open.

Now! I breathe.

Her fist balls up and slams into Saren’s face.

The Turian lets out a shocked screech. He drops her to the ground. Shepard lands on her feet, kicking Saren swiftly away from her. Saren limps to his hovering platform. His face twisted in fury, his eyes never leaving Shepard’s as she stares him down. I watch in dismay as he soars away, leaving us standing in the ruins.

I can hear engines humming, and I look up to see the Normandy swooping down on us like a vast bird. I can’t hold back the whoop of excitement – we did it! The last of the Geth make a hurried retreat, and after a moment of stunned silence, the Salarians emerge from their hiding places.

Shepard limps over to me, helping me to stand. “Let’s get out of here,” She rasps, her brown eyes overshadowed with rage.

We stumble into the cargo bay and Joker fires up the thrusters. As the Normandy soars away toward the stars, the crew feels a tremor. My mind instantly goes back to the surface of Virmire, and to Ash, lying wounded against that nuke. I can see her fighting to the end, never giving up... She’ll never know how grateful I am to her. She’ll never know how much I wish she could be here to share in this victory. I take a shaky breath – who knows? Maybe she is watching from up there, smiling that we’re safe.

“See you on the other side, Ash,” I whisper into the air, turning away so nobody will see my tears. “And thank you.”